Out of habit, I reached for my phone to glance through the updates on my BBM feeds. His update was the second. The blue suit and red bow tie first caught my attention – my eyes narrowed its focus and my mind began to process what my eye was looking at. I did not realize I had been holding my breath until I felt the rushing relief of my exhale. My knees went weak, I had to take a sit. My heart beat slowed and the tightness in my chest loosened. I released the phone and held back the tears. I shouldn’t be crying. This is good news!
My lips eased into a smile. ‘Thank you Jesus’, I said out loud.
Still processing and reminding myself that I prayed for this, I said it again. ‘Thank you Jesus’. Tammy is married, it is finally and officially over!
The days that followed came with a trip down memory lane, and with it a mix of emotions. But in a very short while, I was back to where I was – the remembrance of a sad romantic story about someone I use to know. I was back to that place where I and Tammy was just a distant memory, with the scars still visible but the pain almost all gone.
It always gets better. Eventually, you will forget. It will become a distant memory – a bad dream. You will heal. The scars will remain, but if you play your cards right it could fade into beauty marks. Ones that define you, that makes you who you are. It can be an identity of its own and can set you on a whole new part towards fulfilling your purpose. It always gets better. Time and the right attitude is the balm we all need.
I look back on my life today and I am grateful for the woman I have become. I am grateful for the battles that I have fought – the ones that I lost only makes me appreciate the once that I won. The battles I lost has also helped me to understand life and to appreciate the beautiful things I have – that I did not even pay for. Like my family, my friends, my job, my church and the opportunity to impact other people’s life.
There is always something to be grateful for, let the tears flow so you can see it clearly. Don’t attempt to speed up the healing process. There is no faking it, trust me, I know. I will share my healing process with you soon but in the meantime, don’t be too hard on yourself. That piercing and heart-shredding pain you feel is normal and sign that you are human. It will get better.