I was scanning through my old journals and found something I feel like sharing. Hopefully, it would remind someone that they are not alone. That healing is a process and that the only way over it is through it.
It will feel like a small sharp object is lowly shredding your heart into pieces. The pain will be so much that it takes away your breath. You will sometimes look for sleep and it won’t come. And when sleep finally comes, you will have those nightmares that wake you up with a start, soaked in the pool of your own sweat.
You will know you need to move on, but you will have no idea how to. The tears will flow endlessly. You will be afraid that it will never stop.
And there are the panic attacks. That slow skip of a heartbeat or two, simultaneously sucking the air out of your lungs.
You will feel like you are drowning.
Sweetheart, you are not sick. You don’t have asthma, you are suffering from heartbreak.
You will feel like stopping everything and escaping. But you will also know that there are people counting on you to be strong. Then you will put on a brave face, determined not to let it win. You will smile as though everything is alright but when you are alone, you curl into a foetal position and let out that deep cry that rocks your entire body.
When you are physically spent, you will wash your face and let sleep provide a temporary escape.
Anger an bitterness will tempt you with some respite. But remember that they are a poisonous solution that will end up consuming you. So as much as you want it all to stop, for the pain to be over and for the wound to heal, know that the only way to get over the pain is to go through it.
It will get better. You will come out strongerand will appreciate life and happiness more than you did before.
You won’t take yourself too seriously and you will learn to make every moment count. Things will lighten up and you will be happier and wiser.
And then one day, you will get to that place in your life where you look back at the experience and know that all the pain was worth it.
I hope this entry reassures you a little? Until you read from me again, I love you.