So too many times we hear of ladies who start and stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons. We’ve heard of ladies (and guys sef) who go into relationships after watching too much Disney Channel and Zeeworld. The relationship comes to a crashing stop when they realize real life is not TV. That’s what today’s post is all about.
Ladies, listen up!
Love and Location.
Have you been in a long distance relationship before? How did it work out? Personally, I don’t believe in long distance relationships. It works for some people, and there are exceptional cases of course. But really, if you’re not married yet, you should do your best to avoid that route to prevent future complications.
But if it works for you, go for it!
You don’t have to act stupid for your man to stay!
Our society has made us believe that men won’t like a lady if she’s highly educated and doing very well for herself. Puh – lease! Like Chimamanda Adichie once said, the kind of man that will be intimidated by you is exactly the kind of man you don’t want in your life.
If he says he’s not ready to settle down, believe him!
Don’t assume he’ll change his mind or any such thing, believe him! If you’re ready to settle down and he isn’t, that information gives you permission to move on.
Don’t be shy to talk about money!
Sistren, love is not blind oo!!! And your parents did not bring you to this life to come and suffer. I am personally of the opinion that a woman should be able to fend for herself financially. But you also need a man who has something to bring to the table financially. I DO NOT subscribe to the woman being the sole ‘bread winner’.
Be prepared to be vulnerable
While you were single, all your friends called you ice queen, rubber heart, ponmo heart, etc.. Lol. But now you’re in a serious relationship, you need to open up yourself. Let your partner know the real you, let them see the feelings you have for them. It might feel weird after you’ve spent time toughening up your heart from heart breakers, but since you’ve chosen to stay with this particular person, I say, allow yourself to be vulnerable. 🙂
If he doesn’t chase you in the beginning, he’ll disappoint/dump you in the end.
People usually act their nicest at the beginning of the relationship. You know, that moment they’re trying to get you to say yes to them. If he’s not doing all that at the start of the relationship, you’ve probably forced yourself on him. Its okay to go after the man you want, but you must look for signs that he wants to be with you just as much. Be honest enough to tell yourself the truth. If you need to walk away, just do it! It will hurt, but you will be better of.
No matter how much he loves you and wants you around, don’t build your world around any man.
That’s one sure way to bring it crashing down. Be independent and do your own thing. That increases your attractiveness to him.
If you feel the need to check his phone, it’s either you have trust issues or your relationship is on its way to the end.
Identify what is causing the lack of trust and address it. If his attitude is causing it, discuss it with him. His response will tell you what you need to do. If you’re trying too hard and he’s not reciprocating, watch out.
Listen. Understand how he communicates. Communicate. Men are not mind readers! Learn to express your feelings and own them. If he cares about you, he will pay attention to them.
Be a shoulder for him to lean on.
Play with him.
But above all Ladies, remembers, you can’t change anyone.
Originally published on Lagos City Girl
Image Credit: ID 136499983 © Fizkes | Dreamstime.com