Over and over again, people have held on to the baggage of assumption collated from lies, fears, and insecurities of the people that have cast their conclusions and experiences on stone.
Ok, let me break it down.
Miss A many years ago had a boyfriend who loved to pamper her. It came easily to him, the way crying comes easily to a cranky baby. He would attend to her every sigh and cry, to her every request and command. But one thing led to another and the relationship ended in a finger-snap.
So, Miss A after nursing her wounds begins to expect every man she meets to love her the same way her Ex did.
Then she goes, “if you love a woman, you will pamper her.”
Says Miss A’s voice of assumption.
See, a man can love a woman to the point of giving his life for her and yet not pamper her for many reasons best known to him.
I know a reason though. He may just not know how to pamper. Yes, he wasn’t probably pampered as a child and had never been as an adult. Watching it in movies is not enough to rewire him. On the other hand, he may have been pampered but not be given to pampering his partner because he doesn’t just know how to.
Here’s another manifestation of assumption.
Miss B goes – “If that Ugly girl(God forgive me please, not like I am mocking her o) can get married, then I can, oh I can!”
Interesting! She forgets that in her Church, there’s one girl, goddess-like in beauty, model- like in height and even good girl-like in character who is not yet married and in her forties.
Ok, now let me hit home.
Don’t assume that because your partner is a marriage counsellor, your marriage will automatically be rosy.
Don’t look at your neighbours’ intimidating public display of affection and think you are just a learner. In their bedroom, it may be a private display of animosity and which may even be the order of the day in their home.
Don’t assume your marriage will work because your parents own worked or is working. Do you even know if they were having serious issues but concealed it because of you and your siblings??
Hear this one. “Multiple Orgasms is not proof of Bednastics Prowess. No! Has it ever crossed your mind that your partner may just be extra sensitive to touches, any kind? Or did it cross your mind that your partner may just be fantasizing about somebody else while looking into your eyes?
And maybe yours is not multiple orgasms but semi orgasms, it may not be that your partner is a loser in bed, it may just be that’s the way your body can express itself, the semi way.
In your relationships, discover for yourself. Study your relationship, pay attention to it and be open to being different from others.
Set your own definition of truth. Let it be your own definition of truth.
It’s foolish to choose general rules above your own trusted and proven ones. Your relationship is yours, your marriage is yours.
Here is my plea – take your eyes away from the fence. Don’t go over it, use the gate. Don’t take other people’s opinion and experiences as the way, find your own way.
Take things for what they are. Don’t define them by, equate, limit or expand them to other people’s experiences. Your number one is different from theirs. Theirs may make a two if another one is added, yours may be altogether different, it may just be an alphabet and a suitable one for you at that.
On this note, I beg to sign out.
Stay amazing, your Uniqueness.