You don’t need a third party.
Well, I grew up holding this notion higher than any other when regarding marriage.
I believed that whatever happened between my husband and I should be kept a secret especially if it is something unpleasant. If it is something great and awesome, I could tell the world. How hypocritical!
Well, hypocritical as it is, it still is the norm with married folks. They come out to the public looking all perfect and put up the appearance that their spouses are the best things that can happen to anyone. Oh please!
So I approached marriage just like that.
I didn’t speak of my husband’s fault, well at the early stages, there weren’t any I could notice or any that ruffled me. Did I tell of the ‘pleasantries’ too? Sure, hypocritical me did.
But you see days grew into years and I began to see the faults just as he began to see mine and no matter how I tried to not see them, the more they seemed to be glowing.
The first third party I complained to was someone living with us. I had had it to my neck and I needed to rant. I did and all hell didn’t let lose rather I realised as I ranted that the matter was not as grievous as I had thought it was.
Seriously, It felt as if I was just being dramatic.
Now on the flip side, there are times I have ranted to a third party and in the process realised that the matter was more grievous than I thought it was.
Do you see? Now, do you see any importance in third-partying?
You get to calm down regarding matters that seem to be blown up by you and get to take seriously matters that you are downplaying.
Hey….don’t misquote me, darling. I didn’t say you must use a third party rather I am saying that it should be considered and the act not be labelled as evil.
Yea, I know some of you may have sad stories that developed from ranting to a third party. Oh well, I have stories too but hey, having an accident doesn’t stop the accident victim from being conveyed to the hospital with a car. Hehe.
Getting jilted hasn’t stopped the jilted from opening up his or her heart again – if that’s the case, then help must be sought.
So about third parties, where do we draw the line?
1. Talk to your partner first before involving a TP. Every relationship must be worked on. It’s not easy, yes. It’s not easy to correct an adult. Most adults like things their way. Let your partner know what’s irking you.
2. Use a reasonable and responsible third party. By reasonable, I mean just the word, someone who can reason logically. Some times, it takes a third party to shine the light on areas we are blinded to. By responsible I mean someone who has the capacity for rational and moral thoughts, who can stand up to his words, who is accountable.
3. Third parties are not gossip buddies. No, it’s kinda silly to gossip about your spouse or partner…lol. Just imagine gossiping about yourself to someone else. Yea, that’s what it looks like.
What you tell a third party must be something you can say before of your spouse and the TP. If you can’t then you have no business going to a TP. Usually, this occurs when the matter is a sensitive one. In that case, I will suggest confiding anonymously in a professional third party, say a certified counsellor.
Now we are at the bottom line. Here it is; Don’t die in silence because you have been schooled that it is not good to do so. Well, I am of the opinion that it is not good to die in silence. It is disrespect to self to refuse to seek help.
Dear reader, don’t be deceived. Know that it’s ok to tell. Telling doesn’t make your spouse look bad not does it make you look bad.
Telling simply says that we need help and needing help is not weakness, rather bravery because only the strong can admit that they are vulnerable.