There has been so many articles and blogs written about who a player is and most times the term is used mainly to describe a man. But a woman can be a player too, so if please continue reading to know if you fall into this category or not. However, the primary people I am writing this for, is those that genuinely want to know the telltale signs he is a player.
Who is a player?
A player is deceptive and manipulative. They fake romantic interest with you while actively or passively pursuing several similar interests and relationships simultaneously. They say all the right things and work very hard to plant themselves at the center of your life. They are usually fun, and sensitive and caring so much that it feels like a dream too good to be true and most time, it is. The aim of a player is to win your affection which signal to them that they have made a conquest. The criteria they use to confirm this can be when they have had s3x with you, when you say you love them or, in extreme cases, agree to marry them. It is all a game to them, one in which they will do or say anything to win.
Now ladies, before you adjudge someone a player, you need to ask yourself, what do you want in a relationship. Are you one of those people who are looking for someone to pay the bills? Are you one of those ones who have never really been alone long enough to figure out what they really want? Are you one of those who have caved under the societal and family pressure to the point of desperation? If you fall into these categories, chances are that you may pick the telltale signs he is a player but will be powerless to do anything about it. Heck, you may even delude yourself to believing that you can change him. Sister, he isn’t going to change for you!
Now, let us look at those signs that tells you he is a player.
He is always on the phone.
Pay attention to this one. He could be genuinely busy, and his job may require frequent phone communication but if that is the case, he will let you know. He will explain to you what the calls or messages are about (except he is a secret government agent or something). He will also take the calls in your presence. However, if he doesn’t take those calls in your presence, or is constantly chatting with people and never gives any reason, he just might be a player.
Communication with him is Inconsistent
You know that kind. On today, off tomorrow. He doesn’t call frequently and when he does, you can tell he can’t wait to get off the call. He sometimes even cuts off the call giving a very lame excuse. Thing is, he must maintain contact with many ladies at a time and he must share that time among all his conquests. He might have worked his way to becoming the center of your life, but you are definitely not the center of his. You are on a schedule and he will reach out to you when it is your turn and specifically for the time allotted to you. The relationship he has with you is pretty much like a series of hookups.
He won’t make definite long-term plans with you.
He will never commit to anything regarding your future together far in advance. In fact, he might stay away from talking about your future together. He doesn’t want to be tied down to you in anyway, so he would not make long-term plans with you especially if those plans require some form of immediate investment of resources (time and money). Now, he might commit to short-term plans with you but tends to cancel, most times at the last minute. If you find that you cannot count on him, you may want to count of the possibility that he is paying you.
He does not introduce you to his friends and family
You should have been able to pick a thing or two about who he is closest to. If he is being vague about introducing you to the important people in his life, then chances are that he is playing you. Note I said, ‘important people in his life’. You want to be careful with this one. He could introduce you to a bunch of his friends who might be in on his player lifestyle. His friends may even call you ‘iyawo wa’ just to give you the impression that he has been talking about you to them. It is all a part of the facade. Pay attention to what they are not saying, the body language and whether his friends try to genuinely build a relationship with you. If he does not take deliberate steps to include you in his world, then chances are that he is playing you.
He is a Flirt
There is a difference between being friendly and being a flirt. Does he tend to flirt with the waitress, the bartender, the cashier when you go out together? Does he have a wandering eye and tend to check out other ladies? These are additional signs he is a player.
He doesn’t like publicity.
I am not a fan of displaying one’s personal life on Social Media however, if he is overtly insisting that he doesn’t like you posting pictures of both of you on social media, then you may want to investigate further. Does he go out with you in the day time or has he restricted your outing to the cover of darkness? And the few times you get to go out together, he always introduces you as his friend but never as his girlfriend.
He is eager to be sexually intimate with you
If you feel pressured by him to for sexual intimacy the all the alarms in your head should be going off. In a happy, loving and healthy relationship, no party should feel pressured to doing things they are not comfortable with.
Have you been seeing these signs? If you have, you should know what to do. If you don’t, then let me help make it clear.
It will be difficult especially if he has become that emotional focus in your life. But there is only one outcome to all of this, he will walk away from you as soon as he needs space in his life to accommodate more conquests. Why not take the lead while your dignity is still intact?
I think it does help if you made the call.